Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
