i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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