I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
