I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
