Dignity is for republicans.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize