They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
