Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
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Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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