my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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