i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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