Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
