So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
