I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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