can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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