My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
