Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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