yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
