just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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