I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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