I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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