It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
