dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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