Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
