Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
