Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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