hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
