I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
