I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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