there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
