You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
