The best revenge is premature balding
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
