Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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