do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
