his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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