Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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