we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
