Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
