Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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