Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
