Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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