Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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