I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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