Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
