i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
