If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
