I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
this boner is exhausting
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
