3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
