went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
