Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
