I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
