Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
