Whod you bang
Can i not drive my cunt home
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
