mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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