Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
