i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Actions speak louder than pants.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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