im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
