I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
