Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
