i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
