I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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