update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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