Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
