Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
