the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
