I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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