it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
