I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
