Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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