That's when you crack a 10am beer
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
